things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
