worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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