Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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