what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm drive I can fine osifer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
