I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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