does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
