does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can't special order awesome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
