Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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