I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
