He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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