I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
