Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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