i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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