Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
