Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
