College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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