tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
