I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
