Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
