i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
