The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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