hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
