So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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