took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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