It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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