just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
