next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
