Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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