He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
