i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
