It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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