She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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