Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
