I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
