i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize