Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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