I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
