everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
