My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
