and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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