you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
