Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
