3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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