third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
