Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
