i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize