I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
