I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
