I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
