I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
