I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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