I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
