ugly people sure do ruin things
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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