Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
