My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
