I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
