pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
