thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
