i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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