it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
