There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
