I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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