i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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