Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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