I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you didnt know i had herpes?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
