had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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