youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
