I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
