i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
