Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
